Am I Mango Street? - Esperanza's Journal

Dear Diary,
Why does everyone keep telling me I'm Mango Street?  I don't get it!  First, it was Rachel and Lucy's aunts, telling me that I will always be Mango Street.  Then today I was talking with Alicia on Edna's steps, and she told me that if I like it or not, I'm Mango Street, just like she's Guadalajara.  She says one day I'll come back here, because this is where I come from.  The three sisters told me that I had to remember to come back one day, and help the others who can't leave as easily as I can.  But I don't think I ever want to come back here. 

I told Alicia I wanted to undo the year that I've lived here.  I guess I was okay with it here until the thing at the monkey garden happened and then that thing at the carnival.   I tried to save Sally from the boys in the monkey garden, so that they wouldn't do anything to her, and she told me to go home.  But then when I needed her to save me at  the carnival, she wasn't around and didn't even care when she heard me calling her name.  All I wanted to do was help her.  All I wanted was her help.  I don't get why no one wants to help each other.  Even Tito's mother didn't want to lift a finger when I came to get her when the boys were taking Sally's keys!  Why am I supposed to come back to help everyone when no one will help me, when no one will help each other?

I guess I am the only one who can help.  Rachel, Lucy, Sally and Nenny will go off and get married, mama will never get over the fact that she could've been someone, and the women on this street will keep doing what their men want - sitting in the house, looking out the window, and waiting.  But not me.  I never want to sit next to a window and just look.  I want to do!  I want to live!  I want to be!  I don't want to get married, not yet at least.  I want to be and be.  And I guess I'll have to come back to Mango Street, because I'm the only one who will get free.  I guess the only one who can come back to visit is me.

xo Ranza